One morning in late October of 2011, I woke up and groggily logged onto my computer. I went to IGN.com to check out the latest video game news and saw an early review for Uncharted 3. As a big fan of the second Uncharted, I eagerly read through it and discovered that Naughty Dog’s latest received a perfect 10. Awesome. Homework and finals kept me from playing Drake’s latest adventure for almost two months but in the days after Christmas I finally got around to it and quite frankly, I’m disappointed. Uncharted 2 felt bigger and bolder than its predecessor but with Uncharted 3 it feels as though Naughty Dog is afraid to mess anything up. In-game you spend tons of time fighting off groups of enemies but the gunplay hasn't been improved. You still use nearly identical weapons to kill nearly identical enemies. In addition, the series has a tendency to send an insane number of bad guys at you; I think fewer, smarter enemies would be a great improvement. There’s nothing inherently wrong with fighting tons of enemies but it hurts the believability when Drake, a guy whose only super powers are perfect hair and the ability to destroy any vehicle he touches, dispatches an entire army of mercenaries. Also, why do you still have to push triangle to pick up ammo?! There is no good reason for this and it leads to accidentally picking up a weapon that happens to be next to ammo. The big addition to gameplay is more advanced hand-to-hand combat. It works fine and creates some pretty cool moments such as breaking a bottle over an enemy’s head but I have two complaints. First, much of the melee combat boils down to a quick time event and a fairly easy one at that. Second, the game tries to force you to use melee combat all the time. Even if you have a gun, overgrown Jason Statham clone number twenty will appear out of a doorway with fists raised. No, I have a sawed-off shotgun; I will not get into a two-minute slap fight with you.
YOU HAVE TWO GUNS
Interactive set pieces are probably the highlight of Uncharted 2 but in Drake’s Deception they feel stale and are arguably a step backwards for the series. For example, virtually every advertisement forUncharted 3 included a picture of a large cargo plane in the desert. I couldn’t wait to play that part of the game and when I finally made it onboard I excitedly said to my roommate, “This is going to be awesome! I bet I’m going to kick someone out of the plane and into a propeller!” Nope. While in melee combat with the first enemy you encounter, all the plane’s cargo is ejected out the back and shortly afterwards it crashes. In less than five minutes it’s all over! Judging from the game’s cover art and Drake’s penchant for being incredibly destructive, I knew the plane would crash but at least let me have some fun first. In my opinion, nothing in Drake’s Deception exceeds or even matches the train sequence or the fight against the tank in Among Thieves. Naughty Dog's latest relied too heavily on big stuff falling apart in dramatic fashion.
RIP plane, you died too young
Creating a better villain is an area where Uncharted 3 could have easily improved over its predecessor, as Lazarevic is a huge dick for no apparent reason other than he’s Eastern European. Marlowe improves nothing by being a huge dick for no reason other than she’s British. The only difference is that you don’t fight the old British woman. Creating a morally ambiguous antagonist instead of one who pisses pure malevolence is a simple way to make bad guys somewhat interesting.
I enjoyed the flashback about how Sully and Drake met but Drake’s other relationships haven’t developed. Elena and Drake are married but don’t act any differently. In fact, Chloe isn’t even mentioned until her appearance three-quarters of the way through the game. Even if you are estranged, it’s worth mentioning you got married before the last two minutes of the game. Meanwhile, Chloe is back but she, along with newcomer Cutter, completely disappear at the midway point.
Overall, the story is nothing special or new. Snow from Among Thieves is substituted for sand, the lost city of immeasurable wealth is now Ubar instead of Shambhala, and lots of old stuff still falls apart. The story tries to include a twist where Sully "dies" but it fails spectacularly. Having an important character die is huge but then saying fifteen minutes later, “JK, he’s not dead. You were hallucinating,” feels like a giant cop-out. Either kill Sully or don't.
Uncharted 3’s graphics and production values in general are top-notch and I think the treasure hunter genre still has plenty of untapped potential. Unfortunately, Naughty Dog didn’t keep pushing the envelope. The developer played it safe and as a result, the game isn't an improvement. Drake's Deception is still a good game and one of the best Playstation exclusives but I can’t shake the feeling that it missed an opportunity to be something truly great.
The slowest period of the year trailer-wise (and most other forms of entertainment) is upon us. Thankfully there is some weird stuff on YouTube (sorry for how half-assed this is).
There is a Scorpion King 2? It made enough money to warrant a third? Billy Zane AND Kimbo Slice are still alive?
Pretty self-explanatory title but a couple of notes before I start. Due to time constraints I passed on most of the year's critically panned films. It's possible that I could have loved Taylor Lautner's Abduction or Mars Needs Moms but I highly doubt either would crack my top-10. I also didn't have a chance to see a few well-received movies, the most notable of which are Drive, Sherlock Holmes, and The Tree of Life.
Honorable Mention:
Thor- I had very low expectations for a film about a so-so Marvel hero riding around on a rainbow road with friends that look like Norse Power Rangers. But this ended up being an extremely enjoyable fish-out-of-water superhero flick and one of the biggest surprises of 2011. The relatively weak last-third kept it out of the top 10.
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy- Boasting high-quality source material and a stellar cast, Tinker Tailor is a well-crafted, well-acted espionage flick that constantly kept me guessing. A likely candidate for Oscar nominations, the rushed, condensed feel, kept it out of my top 10. Tucker & Dale vs Evil- Starring Firefly fan-favorite Alan Tudyk and Taylor Labine, this film only grossed $4 million but is a hilarious twist on the teen-horror genre. Just because two guys live in a creepy, dilapidated cabin in the woods doesn't mean they're psychotic murderers.
The Muppets- There aren't many things in this world more timeless than The Muppets and their return to the big-screen confirmed that. Kermit, Ms. Piggy, Fozzy, Animal, and the rest of the crew are as endearing and hilarious as ever. You can consider this number eleven on the countdown.
#10: Contagion
"Someone doesn't have to weaponize the bird flu. The birds are doing that."
Over the last decade there have been several pandemics including H1N1 and SARS. Contagion explores a worst-case-scenario where a disease is deadly and too fast-moving to be contained. As a result, tens of millions die and not even Oscar winners are immune. The film focuses not only on the race to find a cure but also on the social ramifications, suggesting that perhaps fear is even more contagious than the virus.
Boasting an ensemble cast that includes Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Marion Cotillard, Gwynenth Paltrow, and Laurence Fishburne, Contagion makes the tired disaster-movie genre cool again.
#9: The Descendants
"Paradise? Paradise can go fuck itself."
I'm usually a fan of big stories and larger-than-life individuals, so I didn't expect to enjoy The Descendants, a film about a normal family dealing with some unusual but not unheard-of crises. But somehow Director Alexander Payne manages to create something so heartfelt and honest that it's impossible to dislike. With no superfluous parts and nothing missing, The Descendants ranks with Thor as one of the most surprising films of the year.
#8: Attack the Block
"This is too much madness to explain in one text!"
I hate to be repetitive but I'm about to describe a third film as "surprising" because there's no other way to describe Attack the Block. Prior to seeing a Facebook status about the British sci-fi flick, I had never heard of it. In fact, I needed to Google the title to confirm that it's a movie and not a video game or book. Attack the Block focuses on a small-time street gang in London forced to defend themselves and their neighborhood against ferocious aliens. Block is witty, funny, fast-paced, and manages to put a its own spin on the alien-invasion genre.
#7: Warrior
"You talking about Sparta? Brendan, please. You got a better chance of starting a boy band."
Warrior is a film that easily could have become a mess of tired sports movie cliches but it never falls into that trap. Riding on the strength of three great performances by Tom Hardy, Joel Edgerton, and Nick Nolte, it has enough heart to rival great sports film such as Remember the Titans and Rocky. Nolte in particular deserves some Oscar credit, although I highly doubt he will get it.
#6: Rango
"The name's Rango."
My theory that Pixar is run by a group of hyper-intelligent humans sent from the future to prevent nuclear war by creating animated films everyone can enjoy took a serious hit this year when Cars 2 sucked. Thankfully, Rango managed to fill the void left by Pixar's first flop. The film is set in the desert where the eponymous chameleon has been marooned in a depressing, water-starved town named Dirt. The denizens of Dirt are a colorful, superstitious group that begin to hold the fast-talking Rango (voiced wonderfully by Johnny Depp) in high-regard. What ensues is one of the most unique animated films I've ever seen. If you've also descended into Pixar withdrawal, check out Rango.
#5: X-Men: First Class
"Listen to me very carefully, my friend; killing will not bring you peace."
Creating a loyal prequel to an X-Men trilogy that used every remotely popular mutant from Wolverine to Multiple Man, couldn't have been easy but director Matthew Vaughan pulled it off. The group of young mutants is great but Charles Xavier and Eric Lehnsherr steal the show as powerful men with opposing ideologies. Did I mention Magneto lifts a submarine out of the ocean?
#4: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
"I want you to help me catch a killer of women."
This movie is not for the faint of heart. Dragon Tattoo is intense, dark, and occasionally off-putting but it's impossible to deny Rooney Mara's amazing transformation into the most memorable movie character of 2011. I expected Rooney Mara to be memorable but I didn't expect the film to have such a well-crafted murder mystery. Mikael and LIsbeth's search for the identity of a prolific serial killer had me on the edge of my seat.
#3: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
"Hogwarts is threatened! Man the boundaries. Protect us!"
I've spent over a decade excitedly waiting for the next Harry Potter book or film but now there's nothing left to wait for. It's bittersweet but thankfully Rowling's series got the send-off it deserves with the best film in the series. Watching the statues, paintings, and professors of Hogwarts prepare the iconic castle for battle nearly brought tears to my eyes.
#2: Margin Call
"You're selling something that you know has no value!"
You could make dozens of movies about the Financial Crisis of 2007-2008 but first time writer/director J.C. Chandor decided to focus on a 36-hour period at one fictional Wall Street firm. The result is a tightly written film that strikes the perfect balance between human emotion, financial jargon, and social commentary. The great cast is highlighted by Kevin Spacey as the jaded veteran, Zachary Quinto as the young rocket scientist turned financial risk analyst, and Jeremy Irons as the pragmatic but amoral billionaire CEO.
#1: Moneyball
"There are rich teams and there are poor teams, then there's fifty-feet of crap, and then there's us."
Moneyball tells the story of a group of underdogs who win not because they are inspired by a coach's speech or because they have angels helping out. The team succeeds because everyone else undervalues its players that are either old, throw funny, or have ugly girlfriends. Bolstered by Brad Pitt's charm and Jonah Hill's humor, Moneyball may not be the greatest sports movie of all time but it's the greatest sports movie I've ever seen.
Every gamer has run into "those" weapons, the ones that are complete game-changers. One second you're racking up kills and the next you're running in fear because someone just found a Doom Ray.
Most games have more and less powerful weapons but some go overboard and I've narrowed it down to the ten most egregious examples. I ranked these based on two criteria. First and most obviously, I considered actual power and effectiveness. Second, I considered availability. If one weapon is slightly more powerful than another but you need to travel to Mount Doom just to get it, neither are probably overpowered.
10) The Cerebral Bore
Originally from the second installment of Turok, a series that jumped the shark almost a decade ago, the cerebral bore is relatively obscure but extremely powerful nonetheless. Acquired about two-thirds of the way through the game, the bore locks-on to brainwaves and fires a homing, explosive drillbit that burrows into an enemy's skull and explodes. The gun kills in one hit but is unable to lock-on to anything that doesn't have brainwaves. The cerebral bore doesn't have the name-recognition of the other weapons on this list but its ability to decapitate evil velociraptors from space earns it a spot on the list.
9) Blue Shells
The sight of this makes my blood pressure rise
You are three-quarters of the way through the final lap on Sherbert Land. You are in first place, zooming around corners, and avoiding penguins with ease. The finish line is in sight then, out of nowhere, a blue shell, shot by the hopeless idiot in last place, hits you. Your character launches ten feet into the air and by the time you've recovered, a victory has turned into a shameful third-place finish. Next thing you know controllers (and curse words) are flying through the air. Play enough Mario Kart and you're guaranteed to experience this.
Like most of the best items in Mario Kart, drivers closer to last place are more likely to get it from an item box. When shot, the blue shell travels to the driver in first place and screws him/her over. In other words, the blue shell is a way for the worst drivers to screw over the best driver. What makes the blue shell even more annoying is that it keeps getting more powerful. In Mario Kart 64 it was already extremely aggravating. Then for Double Dash the little bastard got wings so it could avoid walls and go straight for first-place BUT THAT STILL WASN'T ENOUGH. In Mario Kart DS the shell also destroyed any items the first-place driver had.
8) The Hammer
Few things make me want to run and hide more than this hammer
Don't be fooled by this innocuous-looking hammer. Just one touch by any character in the Super Smash Bros. series and that character goes into a seven-second rave-like hammer-swinging spree that kills or seriously damages everyone in the area. When Melee first came out it became second-nature to go into the item list and turn off hammers. A weapon that is so effective it makes the game less fun is definitely overpowered.
7) The Experimental MIRV
Imagine this loaded with eight mini nukes
The Experimental Multiple Independently Targetable Reentry Vehicle is a weapon from Fallout 3. As opposed to the game's Fat Man which only fires one nuke, the MIRV fires eight mini nukes. Yep, the MIRV is essentially a shotgun loaded with mini nuclear warheads (that phrase seems oxymoronic). According to the Fallout Wiki, the MIRV was designed to destroy entire countries with a single missile strike, keep in mind Fallout is played from the first-person perspective. The MIRV doesn't climb any higher on the list because shooting eight nukes out of a rocket launcher is fairly impractical and inefficient.
6) The BFG9000
I believe the technical term for that green ball is a Kamehameha
The Big Fucking Gun 9000, originally from the first Doom, is the grandfather of all overpowered weapons. Admittedly, I've never played the game but how could I leave out the most beloved superweapon in the history of gaming? I shouldn't question something that has endured since graphics looked this shitty.
5) The M6D Personal Defense Weapon System
The pistol from Halo: Combat Evolved is one of the most well-known examples of an overpowered weapon. I remember playing through Halo and getting an unloaded M6D as the game's first weapon. It seemed decent but I quickly traded it out for something more imposing. However, as I kept playing I began to realize that the pistol kicked ass. You can pick off elites from a distance, kill a 12-foot tall, 11,000 pound Hunter with a single bullet, or take out Flood effectively. Once I got sucked into the game's multiplayer the pistol usage only increased. At medium distance the pistol made someone armed with an assault rifle and shotgun look like marine on legendary difficulty.
Despite its pitiful appearance, Halo's original pistol is one of the only instances in gaming historywhen your first weapon is the best.
4) The Sawed-Off Shotgun
The bane of my existence
Having to play against people who use this weapon in Gears of War 3 is what made me write this countdown. When shot, the sawed-off kills anyone within five feet of the shooter's front and side, the spread on it is beyond ridiculous. I can't begin to describe how frustrating it is to be walking along, admiring the beautiful scenery when all of a sudden you explode into tiny piece because some dick was waiting behind cover for an enemy to walk by. Someone made a Hitler rant video just for this gun!
Some games have far more powerful weapons but what makes the sawed-off overpowered is you can spawn with it. That means every time you play a multiplayer match it's virtually guaranteed that someone has the sawed-off equipped. A starting weapon should never be able do this.
3) The RYNO IV
It shoots twenty lock-on lasers every second...only good enough for third place
The Rip You A New One Four from Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction is a weapon so absurdly powerful that the game itself can't quite believe it. After scientists created a blueprint for this gun it was deemed far too lethal, the scientists were institutionalized, and the parts of the plan were scattered across an entire galaxy. Locate all of the parts and this "gameplay destabilizing" gun is yours.
The RYNO IV has been "banned in eight galaxies" and even mentioning its name is apparently enough to be "put in jail for a long time." "The Galactic Society of Implausible Weapon Designs" declared the superweapon a myth but if you do happen to encounter it you should, "cover your eyes and ears and loudly hum show tunes of your choice." I <3 Ratchet & Clank humor.
2) The Gold PP7
Originally from Nintendo 64's Goldeneye (cue nostalgia), the Gold PP7 is the Golden Gun's steroid-taking older brother. Keep in mind that pre-steroids the gun already killed anyone in one shot. Unlike the Golden Gun, the PP7 version doesn't need to be reloaded every time it's shot, it has a seven-round magazine. What makes the Gold PP7 even more ridiculous is that it uses normal pistol ammo. That means, having 800 one-shot kill rounds (see picture above) isn't out of the question. I realize that the Gold PP7 is only available if you enter a cheat but honestly, who didn't?
1) The FarSight XR-20
Every weapon in this countdown is extremely powerful but nothing comes close to Perfect Dark's FarSight XR-20, a sniper rifle fit for a god. For starters, the FarSight kills in one hit, that by itself should make it the most powerful weapon in the game. However, the FarSight also zooms in and has an eight-round magazine, making it essentially a Gold PP7 with a scope. But wait! There's more! The FarSight is equipped with an X-Ray scope so it can see AND shoot through walls. I'M STILL NOT DONE! When shooting through walls and giving people radiation sickness with your x-ray scope fails, the gun's secondary function automatically targets enemies.
To recap, the FarSight XR-20: is a one-hit kill, zooms in, has eight-rounds in a magazine, can see through walls, can shoot through walls, and can autotarget enemies.
Thank god Perfect Dark wasn't released in the age of online-gaming. If Infinity Ward put the FarSight in the most recent CoD, their office would be burned to the ground by an army of disgruntled douche bags, 12 year-olds, and people with anger issues (none of those three are mutually exclusive).
The Prince of Persia Award for a Too-Good Trailer Generally, good movies had good trailers and vise versa but that's not always the case. Prince of Persia had an awesome first trailer but ended up being nothing more than a flashy movie lacking any coherent plot or Middle Eastern actors. The 2011 recipient had a trailer that showed off an awesome cast, cool special effects, and an appealing premise. Unfortunately, the trailer ended up being more entertaining than the movie.
The Award for Best Video Game Trailer Most of the other awards took some thought but this one was a no-brainer. That's not to say video game trailers were any worse than usual this year but one truly stood out as a step above the rest even if the game ultimately didn't stack up.
The Thankful Nerd Award for Making Me Feel Cool This award may never be given out again but I had to think of a way to honor a commercial that makes me feel giddy even after a dozen views. I envy anyone named Michael.To quote a YouTube comment, "COULD YOU IMAGINE A BAR FIGHT IN THERE?? HOLY SHIT"
The Award for the Best Movie Trailer of the Year
Many trailers impressed me this year and my honorable mention list includes The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Muppets, and Super 8. However, there's one trailer I keep watching over and over again. The trailer showed some great footage but not too much and most importantly, It did exactly what a trailer should do: make me excited.
Over the last six months I have watched hundreds of movie trailers. I've seen everything, from the good, to the bad, to the ugly, and the weird and everything in-between. So I think it's worth recognizing those 2011 trailers that managed to succeed and those that failed worse than an Uwe Boll film.
The Award for Most Revealing Trailer of 2011 Trailers have to walk a fine line. They should give viewers a taste of what's to come but can't give too much away. Most manage to do a decent job but one trailer decided to turn its 2-minute runtime into a 2-minute movie. At least I don't have to buy a movie ticket
The Award for Least Revealing Trailer of 2011 The Last of Us is a recently announced video game from Naughty Dog, the creator of the Uncharted series. Prior to releasing a more in-depth trailer, this was released on the Internet, presumably to annoy as many people as possible
The Award for Most Premature Ejaculation of 2011 This award probably applies more to a movie than a trailer but there is no way I will ever see this particular movie. There have been biopics about politicians, musicians, athletes, and authors but I've never heard of one that celebrates the lifetime achievements of a 17 year-old.
The Award for Worst Trailer of 2011 I had a hard time with this decision as there were many worthy candidates including The Lion of Judah which set a new low for animated movies andBunraku which did its best imitation of a high school play. Still, neither of those two can can match the complete ineptitude of the Bucky Larson trailer. Maybe it's revolutionary for making a comedy trailer completely unfunny but I doubt it.
Check back a little later for the best trailers of the year
Before you get too excited about Bruce Willis, The Rock, and that pretty stylish trailer, allow me to be the proverbial Debbie Downer. Jon Chu, the director for Retaliation, directed one film in 2011. That film wasn't Mission Impossible, The Muppets, or X-Men: First Class. Jon Chu directed Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. Admittedly, Chu is a young director and everyone needs to start somewhere but why did it have to be Bieber? Anyone but him.
Wow. I feel like I just watched a 2-minute inside joke that I'm not cool enough to be in on. Apparently this is a movie adaptation of Adult Swim's Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job! Now this is starting to make sense. My few experiences with Adult Swim have all ended with me thinking, "I'm not on enough drugs to appreciate this." So it's not surprising that, "The show continues to polarize audiences; some call it 'crude and inane randomness', while others consider it be satirical brilliance." I tried to figure out the meaning of 'shrim' but urbandictionary and Google weren't much help. Maybe I'm not on enough drugs to understand.
With Ridley Scott directing his first sci-fi film since Blade Runner, an intriguing premise, and a strong cast that include Michael Fassbender and Charlize Theron, Prometheus has all the makings of a great film. I wish the trailer didn't seem quite so similar to Alien but my expectations are still riding high
This Week's Trailer Trash Throwback: One of the most iconic movie trailers of all time.
Check back later today for Trailer Trash Tuesday: The Best, the Worst, and the Weirdest of 2011 Edition
From
the land next to the land of Ikea comes a delightfully odd and enjoyable found
footage film about three college students who stumble upon a troll hunter. For those of you who don’t know (I didn’t) a
found footage film tells the viewer that what they’re about to watch is real footage someone found, hence the name found footage. Think The Blair Witch Project or Paranormal
Activity.
Trollhunter begins with three college
students following an apparent bear poacher named Hans through rural Norway. In an attempt to catch the enigmatic Hans poaching, the three students follow him deep into the woods one night where they discover that he is actually a member of the government's secretive Troll Security Service. His job is to kill any trolls who wander into areas occupied by humans. Years of thankless service and constant secrecy have made Hans jaded and so he allows the students to film him as he tries and figure out why so many trolls have wandered into human-occupied areas. The skeptical college students then spend the rest of the film with Hans as he hunts rogue trolls with various amusing techniques including using the blood of a Christian man as bait and shooting an ultraviolet rocket launcher at the light-sensitive beasts.
Apparently the people of Norway aren't very observant...
Even though Trollhunter couldn't seem to decide on whether to be funny, satirical, or scary, I still had a great time with it. The action sequences were low-budget but competent and the troll folklore kept my attention. One warning though: it has subtitles. If you're not a fan of subtitles wait two or three year because the film is getting an American remake that will probably cost twenty times more than the Norwegian version.
