Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.



Premium Rush

It’s safe to say that I <3 Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Although, I can’t say exactly why I have a man-crush on him.  Maybe it’s because I’ve seen him grow up in movies (he starred in Angels in the Outfield) or because he almost always plays a sympathetic everyman.  Regardless of the exact reason, I’m happy to see Gordon-Levitt’s star continue to rise.  That being said, nothing about this trailer really excited me.  There were a few cool clips of Levitt (or a stuntman) riding his bike but the plot didn’t catch my attention and neither did the life of a New York bike messenger.  Maybe future trailers will add a sense of suspense but right now I’m not interested enough to see Premium Rush in theaters.  On a side note, how many times is Levitt’s character going to get hit by a car in this movie? It happens three times in the trailer.





Big Miracle

This is going to sound cold and callous, maybe it is, but by the end of that trailer I couldn’t stop thinking about whether this massive operation is a misallocation of resources.  A whole city shut down, the United States National Guard became involved, as did Soviet icebreakers, and the governor of a state more than twice the size of Texas came under fire when he probably had bigger things to worry about.  The operation also cost more than $1 million.  I know I sound mean but it seems like a million dollars could be better spent on something else related to the environment.  Then again, maybe this movie’s $30 million budget is an even larger misallocation of resources.



This week's Trailer Trash Throwback:

Flash Gordon

This is a throwback from way before my time but I recently watched it. Flash Gordon is campy, colorful, bizarre, and entertaining in the strangest way possible.  It tells the story of Flash Gordon, a star player on the New York Jets who is sucked into an intergalactic conflict with the aptly named Ming the Merciless.  As far as I know, it’s the first film to combine lightning fields, Hawkmen, a song by Queen, and Timothy Dalton.  If you feel like getting alcohol poisoning try this drinking game.

The Good Old Days: Cartoon Intros

For those times when I'm feeling nostalgic

As a child I spent an embarrassing amount of time playing video games and watching cartoons.  I barely remember any specific levels or episodes but I remember the opening themes.  Opening themes have gone out of style but the catchy themes still get stuck in my head from time to time.  Here are three of the most memorable:

Ducktales

That is definitely one of the catchiest themes songs from any cartoon show. Even if I have no idea what a “duckblur” is, the upbeat tune is infectious. I’m having trouble recalling any specific episodes from Ducktales  but I will never forget the characters.  Huey, Dewey, and Louie are the identical great nephews of the aptly named Scrooge McDuck, and Launchpad is the stoner pilot.  Speaking of Scrooge, I can’t watch him dive into a pile of money without thinking of this SNL skit:

As a kid I owned a copy of Ducktales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp and watched it about a hundred times.  The plot revolves around the ducks discovering a genie-filled lamp.  Scrooge gets greedy and shit hits the fan but at one point the genie makes ice cream rain from the sky.  Thus, one of my greatest childhood fantasies was born.

X-Men

I LOVED THIS SHOW.  Saturday morning cartoons used to be the highlight of my week and X-Men was the highlight of Saturday morning cartoons.  I think that makes the X-Men series the highlight of my young life.  In no way is that depressing.

Before X-Men: First Class Sebastian Shaw was a maniacal Victorian d-bag.  Before Cyclops died a pansy death in X3 he blew up a fifty-foot robot with his eyes.  Before Hugh Jackman made Wolverine into a live-action badass, Wolverine was an animated badass (I realize that picture isn’t from the animated series but it’s too awesome to ignore).  The movies are pretty great in their own right (not X3) but the animated series will always be my first exposure to the franchise.

Talespin

After I got passed the catchy song I realized I have no idea what the hell Talespin is about.  I definitely watched dozens of episodes in my childhood but all I gleaned from that intro is that the bear from The Jungle Book flies a plane, animals that aren’t bears are usually evil, and the show depicted completely unrealistic ‘sky surfing.’  Thankfully the all-knowing Wikipedia clarified things for me.  Talespin is set in the fictional city of Cape Suzette that is apparently a pun on the pancake dish, Crepe Suzette (I have no idea).  Baloo is a cargo pilot who has to deal with gangs of air pirates and zoot suit wearing apes.  I’m not sure how or why Disney decided to transplant Baloo from the jungles of India to a fictional seaside city but it worked. 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT ON SOME PANTS!

The Rest of 2011: Films you (Probably) Haven’t Heard of

The season of big-budget summer blockbusters is over and now we’re transitioning to the considerably less exciting (at least for me) award season where movies usually starring Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet, or Leonardo Dicaprio receive the critical stamp of approval. That means no more superhero films until February (Ghost Rider 2) and no good superhero films until May 4^th (The Avengers).  That’s an awfully long time to wait but after watching way too many trailers I found some interesting releases for the last three months of 2011.
Note: in order to avoid being repetitive I've left out films I talked about previously including Moneyball and 50/50.

The Rum Diary

The first three thoughts I had after that trailer are:

1. Where can I get a jewel-encrusted turtle?

2. One of the Ninja Turtles should be bedazzled, probably Michelangelo.

3.  Johnny Depp is good at acting like he enjoys rum.

Depp starred in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the other film adaptation of a Hunter S. Thompson book, so it’s fitting that he star in The Rum Diary.  Also, not many other actors could pull off the role of an alcoholic journalist who watches his neighbor’s television with binoculars.   

Depp’s narration, the beautiful but reckless love interest, and the use of drugs all reminded me of 2001’s Blow.  The main character has a different role but the film appears to have many of the same themes including greed, jealousy, and the excess.  The overall feel of the trailer also seemed similar to the first half of Blow (the not depressing part). 

Bruce Robinson, The Rum Diary’s director, hasn’t directed anything since 1992’s Jennifer 8 (never heard of it) but  Johnny Depp, quirkiness, and rum are enough to grab my attention.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

This film has all the makings of a Best Picture nominee.  A compelling Cold War setting and more intrigue in one trailer than most entire films are a great start.  Strong source material and Thomas Alfredson, the talented director of Let the Right One In, are even better.  What really seals the Oscar potential is the incredibly strong cast that includes Gary Oldman (Harry Potter, The Dark Knight), Colin Firth, (The King’s Speech),  Tom Hardy (Inception, The Dark Knight Rises), and Benedict Cumberbatch (I want his name).

J. Edgar

Prior to the release of this trailer, I heard quite a bit of buzz about J. Edgar and for good reason.  Eastwood has proven himself to be one of the most competent, consistent directors in Hollywood while DiCaprio proved his ability in Blood Diamond, The Aviator, and Gangs of New York.  The film’s established talent is bolstered by newcomers Armie Hammer (the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network ) and Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl, no homo).  Armie Hammer (short for Armand Hammer) in particular is about to catapult into Hollywood stardom.  In addition, J. Edgar Hoover’s status as one of the most enigmatic, powerful figures of the 20^th century increases my interest even further.   

Consider Gary Oldman and Leonardo DiCaprio early frontrunners for Best Actor while J. Edgar and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy are favorites for Best Picture. 

I wish I had time to talk about more of the interesting films releasing in the last few months of 2011 but I don’t want to drone on.  However, if you are interested in some unique/promising-looking films, click on the titles below.

The Whale

The Way

We Bought a Zoo

Father of Invention

Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.

The Double

At two minutes and twenty-five seconds that has to be one of the shortest movies I’ve ever seen.  I definitely didn’t see that plot twist coming! 

Seriously though, why did that trailer reveal so much?  The only thing I don’t know about The Double is how Richard Gere’s character dies.  Most trailers usually reveal quite a bit about the plot but I’ve never heard of one revealing the film’s major plot twist. I find it even more amusing that the trailer’s description says, “[Sheperdson and Geary] discover that Cassius may not be the person they thought him to be.” Shocking.

Also, who decided to cast Richard Gere and Topher Grace in this?  There are roles both of them are suited to but Richard Gere doesn’t strike me as a cold-blooded ex-Soviet spy  and Topher Grace isn’t the most believable FBI agent.  After all, one became famous by appearing in romantic comedies with Julia Roberts and the other by playing a nerdy kid on That 70's Show. 




Breakaway

If Breakaway seems familiar that’s because it has the same plot (and disapproving father) as Bend it Like Beckham and the same director as D3 the third (and worst) Mighty Ducks film.  A more fitting title would be something like: Bend if Like Beckham 2: It’s Knuckle-Puck Time  or D4: Asian Invasion.

According to Rottentomatoes.com Breakaway is rated “R” but I’m not sure why.  Is there hardcore nudity? Do the extremely dangerous-looking helmets first shown at 1:27 into the trailer end up killing the other team?  Is Rob Lowe’s sex tape shown at intermission?  Part of me wants to see Breakaway just to know why.

This week's Trailer Trash Throwback:  (I couldn't resist)

D2: The Mighty Ducks

Icelanders are so evil.

Cool Runnings

So are the Swiss.

The Best of Netflix Instant

In which I talk about some of the best TV shows/movies available on Netflix Instant. Check out a list of everything I have posted about in my Best of Netflix Instant Archive.


Toy Story 3

To me, Pixar is like a real life Willy Wonka, spreading joy and wonder to people around the world. When you think they’ve run out of magic and can’t possibly make a good film about a rat in a French restaurant they make Ratatouille a great film.   Up is a about an old man and his boy scout sidekick flying a house into the tropics of South America where they befriend a talking dog and a rare ostrich-thing. How did they decide on that premise? I think the heads of Pixar and another animation studio got drunk one night and a series of drunken dares escalated until the other exec dared the head of Pixar to make a film with Up’s premise.

The head of Pixar shortly afterwards

 Eighteen months later Pixar added another Academy Award to their storage closet full of them.

Picking my favorite Pixar film is like picking my favorite child, I don’t actually have any children but if I did it would probably feel something like this. They are awesome (except for Cars 2, definitely my least favorite child), it’s impossible to choose one. That being said Toy Story 3 is a very good film, even for Pixar. It even received an Academy Award Best Picture nomination, only the third animated film to ever receive that distinction (Beauty and the Beast and Up) are the other two. Toy Story 3 is funny, clever, heart wrenching, and infinitely likable. How many films can pull that off?

Even if Pixar dedicated ninety minutes of the film to Buzz eating a sandwich, it would still be worth my time as long as this scene is still in it:

Frankly, Toy Story 3 is the best threequel of all time and a fitting end to one of the greatest trilogies of all time. The average critical approval rating for the Toy Story series on Rottentomatoes.com is 99.66% (the first two have 100%, the third has 99%), which is absolutely insane; no other trilogy will ever come close to pulling that off.

Trailer Trash Tuesday (the one-day-late-edition)

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil

Wow, that is a surprisingly hilarious trailer.  I expected another Scary Movie or Meet the Spartans (I HATE THOSE MOVIES) but this looks to be a refreshing parody of a genre that hasn’t done anything original in almost a decade.  The late 90’s was the heyday of teen horror films, every other new release seemed to feature unbelievably attractive young people running away from a psycho armed with a sharp object.  Figuring out who would survive the mad man’s rampage was as simple as locating the most attractive male and female.  The aforementioned Scary Movie series attempted to parody those types of films but still sucked.  Tucker and Dale looks like it might succeed.  Who would have thought that it would take until 2011 for someone to finally make a funny parody?  Also, Alan Tudyk aka Wash from Firefly is a personal favorite of mine. 

I’m going to look pretty dumb if this ends up sucking.

Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

Anyone who reads this blog probably already knows my views on the Saw and Final Destination series but for those of you who don’t: I hate them.  I think both series produce cheap movies that rely on gore and shock-factor instead of plot or character development.  That being said, at least Saw tries to have a plot and Final Destination has a reasonably interesting premise, the first time (not the fifth time).  Human Centipede doesn’t even try to do anything but show the most vomit-inducing, unsettling scenes possible.  From what I can tell the sequel is just going to try and up the grossness as much as possible and then up it some more (reading the Wikipedia article made me uncomfortable).  Call me crazy, but a filmmaker whose only skill is thinking of the most awful things that can happen to a human being does not impress me. 

I really wish Human Centipede 2 wasn’t happening.  What if aliens receive a transmission of the broadcast making it their first exposure they have to the human race?!  I’m already worried they might have seen Two Girls One Cup. 

This week’s Trailer Trash Throwback:

Meet the Spartans (click on the link for the trailer)

No, your career just got served

Apparently whomever owns the rights to Meet the Spartans disabled video embedding for every decent quality trailer.  I’m assuming this is a halfhearted attempt to keep people like myself from flinging hatred at the film.  That won’t stop me.  Some things don’t deserve hatred while some others do but Meet the Spartans demands hatred.

I remember thinking the trailers looked bad but dear god that is beyond awful.  The only impressive part about Meet the Spartans is that the actors managed to deliver those lines with a straight face.  They must have been hammered.  Cramming as many pop culture references as possible in to a film isn’t funny.  In fact, it may have accomplished something I didn’t think possible: be less funny that this: 

If you want to maintain your faith humanity stop reading. 

Aside from grossing $85 million at the box office, for one week in January 2008 Meet the Spartans was the most popular movie in North America.  How is that possible?! What is the world coming to?!

Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.



Footloose


This trailer is lacking three things:
1. Kevin Bacon
2. Glitter
3. Kenny Loggins aka the man responsible for the best parts the of Footloose AND Top Gun soundtracks.

Other than that, I think Footloose has a pretty well made trailer. It’s clearly not going to venture away from the original formula (pretty sure Ren wore the same outfit to his first day of school in the 80’s version and drove the same car) but that doesn’t really bother me because the original is still entertaining and charming, even if it’s a little cheesy. A well-done remake of an 80’s dance flick is still better than most films. I also appreciate not using gimmicky 3D like certain other dance films *cough* Step Up *cough.*

Fun fact of the day: Footloose is loosely based on events in tiny Elmore City, Oklahoma (population: 756) where dancing was banned for almost 100 years.





Bunraku


Isn't a trailer supposed to explain what a movie is about? That trailer is a jumbled mess.  A cowboy, a samurai, Ron Perlman with dreadlocks, karate, Demi Moore, and the bad guy from Bad Boys 2.  I didn't know it's possible to put all of those in one trailer.  Furthermore, having a unique visual style is one thing but Bunraku’s visuals look like a combination of B-movie CGI and backdrops from a high school play.

If you’re still holding out hope for Bunraku, allow me to quash it with two facts: its director, Guy Moshe, doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page and Josh Hartnett’s mustache looks stupid. Speaking of Josh Hartnett, what happened to him? I thought Hollywood Homicide would be a career-maker!

Now for this week’s Trailer Trash Throwback:

The Halo series has generated some awesome videos including Deliver Hope and ODST.  They not only made me want to buy Halo games but also want to enlist in the UNSC and kill some aliens.  This Halo 3 Trailer is the best of the bunch:

AHH, the aliens must pay, Master Chief should be canonized, and everyone should have their own space armor!  Almost five years later I still get excited every time I watch that.

Man of Steel: Five reasons why it will probably be awesome and one reason why it might not

If the executives at DC Comics aren’t worried, they should be, because Marvel, their long-time rival, just had an amazing summer.  Marvel released Thor, Captain America, and X-Men: First Class to positive reviews and financial success. Meanwhile, DC released Green Lantern, which flopped critically and financially, finally proving that Ryan Reynolds’ abs aren’t infallible (they are still very impressive).  This is a continuation in a trend that’s been going on for over a decade.  Aside from a few films including Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and Stardust, DC’s properties have not enjoyed the best movie adaptations.  Watchmen is decent but it’s also based on one of the greatest graphic novels of all time, Johan Hex is head scratchingly bad (only 81 minutes long?), and The Spirit was doomed to failure once its director said to Sam Jackson, “You can wear/say whatever you want. You want to dress up like a samurai? Go for it!” 

Sam Jackson upon seeing his reflection

DC has the highly anticipated The Dark Knight Rises releasing next summer but Marvel has The Avengers film, its Spider-Man reboot, and numerous other sequels in the works (Iron Man, Thor, X-Men).  Therefore, it’s no surprise that DC is attempting to even the odds with a reboot of the Superman films, entitled Man of Steel (MoS).  Filming began several weeks ago and is set for a June 14^th, 2013 release.  It’s still very early on; we are months away from the first trailer, but I’m very optimistic about MoS, with one serious reservation.  Here's why:

Reason #1: A Better Superman

Superman Returns starred Brandon Routh and while he looked the part, he isn’t the most gifted of actors.  Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, his most recent film, has a 6% approval rating on Rottentomatoes.com.  Gigli has a 7% approval rating.  I don’t think he dragged down Superman Returns but aside from his looks, he didn’t add much either. 

Meet, Henry Cavill, the next Kal-El:

I don’t think Cavill is the spitting image of Superman to the same degree as Routh but he still looks the part.  Tall, dark hair, and he can work the completely useless cape, but is he a better actor than Routh?
In as few words as possible: I’ve only seen him in two episodes of The Tudors, so I don’t know.

A more long-winded response is: I don’t know, but Empire magazine dubbed him the “Unluckiest Man in Hollywood” because he had been set to star in a 2004 Superman film before director McG pulled out, then Stephanie Meyer called him the “perfect Edward” but by the time production began he was too old, finally producers and directors were torn between Cavill and Daniel Craig for the role of James Bond, the director wanted Cavill but producers wanted Bond to be older.  That’s three huge, career-making roles he just barely missed out on.  To be that close to winning such varied and important roles means he must have, at the least, decent acting ability.

He also has the ability to make really stupid clothes look kinda cool

Reason #2: The Villain
We have the hero but what about the villain?  Lex Luthor has been overdone, Bizarro is too weird for the first in a series, and the same is true for Darkseid.  There are other prominent villains including Doomsday and Braniac but none jump off the page.  Ultimately, the creators of the reboot decided to go with General Zod.  Here's Terrence Stamp as Zod in 1980's Superman II:

Titty Twisters are Zod's Kryptonite

Like the other potential villains I listed, Zod doesn’t give me a nerdgasm but he’s adequate.  I don’t think any other villain would have been markedly better, at least in concept.  More importantly, General Zod is able to actually fight Superman, creating the potential for some awesome action scenes.  Action scenes in Superman Returns were limited to Superman putting out fires and occasionally lifting something really heavy.  Two extremely powerful characters create almost endless possibilities.  I hope Superman throws a whale at Zod.

Michael Shannon who hasn’t been in anything I’ve seen (Boardwalk Empire, Revolutionary Road) but received a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award nomination will play Zod.

He looks pretty evil

Reason #3: The Supporting  Cast
Let me read off some of the supporting cast with my peanut-gallery comments.

Amy Adams as Lois Lane: Okay, I’ve always liked her and Enchanted is a guilty pleasure of mine.

Kevin Costner and Diane Lane as Ma and Pa Kent: I like the younger spin on Superman’s adoptive parents; it further separates MoS from the previous films. Waterworld still sucks though.

Laurence Fishburne as Perry White, Editor in Chief of the Daily Planet and Clark Kent’s boss: Now it’s getting good, Fishburne is great and I can definitely see him as the no-nonsense head of a newspaper.

Russell Crowe as Jor-El: AWESOME, topping Marlon Brando, the previous Jor-El,  is probably impossible, but a three-time nominated best actor is nothing to take lightly.  

In summary, a film with an amazing story, special effects, and cinematography still needs great actors and I really like the way the supporting cast has shaped-up.  They compliment Cavill and Shannon, the largely unknown leads, with established talent and the ability to differentiate MoS from previous Superman films.

Reason #4: Reboots are awesome
History hasn’t been kind to 2006’s Superman Returns.  It received largely positive reviews from critics but didn’t perform particularly well at the box office and since it’s theatrical run ended, I have heard very few kind words about Bryan Singer’s take on everyone’s favorite Kyrptonian castaway (maybe second favorite).  I believe Returns is a better film than most people admit.  It has a solid cast and emotional depth rarely seen in superhero films.  So what went wrong?  I think Singer made two critical errors.  Firstly, he decided to make Lex Luthor the villain.  I know Luthor is Superman's arch nemesis but he is still an annoying bald guy whose only superpower is coming up with insane schemes to take over the world.  In other words, Singer decided to pit an out-of-shape Mr. Clean against a godlike being.  At least utilize a more threatening version of Luthor.  Zod in MoS should address this issue.

This guy versus someone who once threw a skyscraper into orbit

Deciding not to reboot the series is Singer's second mistake.  Having Superman Returns lie in the same continuity as the previous films did nothing positive and introduced an unclear, overly convoluted backstory.  Plus, it deprived us of a hero origin story that we all love so much. The first reboot in the Superman series will allow MoS to forget about five films worth of plot developments and use every character to the fullest extent.




Reason #5: It's Channeling Batman

The winner gets to stop wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants

Most DC films suck but the studio's crown jewel, The Dark Knight, is the greatest comic book film ever made (sorry Mr. Freeze).  As a result, it makes sense to emulate Superman’s comic book counterpart.  Just hearing the title, one of Superman's most famous nicknames, is enough to establish a connection.  In addition, Christoper Nolan wrote, directed, and produced The Dark Knight as well as The Prestige and Inception.  That is an extremely impressive string of hits and he has been involved in Man of Steel since early development as a writer and producer.  Hiring him as a director would have tied the film too closely to the Batman series but his involvement and apparent love for the material is promising. 

Now for my biggest concern: Zack Snyder

Man of Steel will be the sixth movie directed by Zack Snyder.  The previous five are: Dawn of the Dead, 300, Watchmen, Legend of the Guardians; The Owls of Ga’Hoole (animated), and Sucker Punch.  Let’s quickly skim over that list.


Dawn of the Dead- a competent zombie remake but it's still considered a lesser film than the original

300- it received a mountain of hype for its extremely stylized visuals, violence, and quotable moments but it isn’t particularly good


Watchmen- received tons of hype from the nerd community but adds nothing to the source material other than its “visually striking” nature and probably the most expensive CGI penis of all time


Legend of the Guardians- it's the owl world’s answer to The Lord of the Rings trilogy and has “dazzling visuals” but it’s greatest accomplishment is not being nearly as awful as I expected it to be


Sucker Punch- it's insane trailers generated interest on the Internet (samurai + gatling gun = nerdgasm) but it only has a 22% on Rottentomatoes and is described as “technically impressive and loaded with eye-catching images, but without characters or a plot…”  www.omegal-level.net described it as “Zack Snyder’s adolescent boner dream.”

To summarize Snyder’s track record: four of his five films are based on already existing material (Sucker Punch is the lone exception) and none improve on that material.  Three met with a large amount of hype and failed to meet expectations.  More alarmingly, his best film is Dawn of the Dead, the only one that doesn’t utilize his distinct visual style.  I think aiming for a more action-oriented Superman Returns would have been the best option.  Now we will probably get lots of slow-motion punches and one-liners.  Neither of those are necessarily bad things but  I don’t think they are conducive to a high level superhero flick.  Worse directors than Snyder have made very good films but I would be happier with Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler, Requiem for a Dream) or Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code), two directors considered for the job.