"Bad" Movies I Like

I despise pompous critics.  Those miserable people who decide anything with a big budget and special effects isn’t worthy of praise.  They take it upon themselves to write scathing reviews of The Dark Knight and only have a nice word to say about films in the AFI top 100 movies (how can you enjoy 2001: A Space Odyssey?).  I understand people have differing opinions, but I don’t see how you can say The Dark Knight is “Middling as a summer blockbuster, zero as art, and more than a bit alarming as a phenomenon.”  You don't have to love the film but it's definitely not an average summer blockbuster.  Sometimes they have valid points, but more often than not I find them deliberately douchey.

I never want to become so high and mighty that I can’t enjoy anything popular so I’m starting this series of posts to remind myself of the “bad” movies (lower than a 50% on Rottentomatoes.com) that I truly enjoy.

Top Gun

Top Gun is awesome but shockingly, 51% of critics on Rottentomatoes gave the film a negative review.  Maybe it isn’t thought provoking but I think it’s the quintessential 80’s blockbuster.  From the Kenny Loggins soundtrack to the classic bromances, it’s a film that I can (and do) watch over and over again.  Top Gun also holds the distinction of being the only Hollywood movie to be featured in a Chinese News segment about their Air Force.  It's infinitely quotable ("I feel the need, the need for speed!" *enthusiastic high-five*) and crammed full of memorable scenes, my favorite of which is the classic volleyball match.

I have only played beach volleyball a few times in my life but they were all a result of that scene.  If it also gave you the urge to play, don't wear jeans, trust me!

There is a school of thought that Top Gun is about Maverick struggling to accept his homosexuality.  It's definitely possible.



Constantine

With a 46% approval (24% among top critics) Constantine didn’t receive a stamp of approval from critics.  I agree that the film is far from flawless but I think it does more right than it did wrong.  Keanu Reeves may not be the world’s greatest thespian, but there are roles that suit him and John Constantine is one such role (so is Neo).  He plays the depressed, anti-hero well.  Reeves also gets major points for giving Satan the middle finger.  Constantine also boasts an impressive supporting cast that includes Rachel Weisz as Detective Angela Dodson, a young Shia LaBeouf as Constantine’s protege, Djimon Hounsou as a former witch-doctor, and Tilda Swinton as the angel Gabriel.

Aside from the aforementioned flicking off of Satan, Constantine also has some other memorable scenes including an exorcism early in the film and a Matrix-eque rampage with a holy shotgun.  

So why did Constantine get panned?  I think there are three reasons.  Firstly, Constantine was billed as a film adaptation of the long-running Hellblazer comic book series but it really wasn’t.  In the comics John Constantine is a blonde-haired, Brit with different motivations and abilities than as portrayed in the film.   As a result, many fans of the series felt cheated and didn’t support the film.  Secondly, after a strong first third the film gets muddled and introduces too many characters and plot points for its own good, director Francis Lawrence should have streamlined the story.  Finally, Constantine is rated “R” but you get the distinct feeling that it’s trying to be a PG-13 film, something so dark should not be so tame. 

For all it's flaws Constantine is still a competent film that is roughly infinity times better than Legion, a supernatural action movie that is truly awful.

The Best of Netflix Instant

I apologize for how half-asssed/ non-existent my Best of Netflix Instant post has been lately. Computer problems, family vacation, and an extremely long black out are partially responsible. However, not being able to find anything worthy of my list has been the biggest issue. 


 About two weeks ago I started watching Mad Men and my enthusiasm was through the roof. I expected to be blown away but maybe I expected too much. At season two’s midway point I’m still not hooked to the show. It has great production values and solid acting but I don’t actually like any of the characters, everyone’s a huge asshole. I don’t need a saint, but a primary male character whose favorite pastime isn’t adultery would be a start.  I’m going to continue watching Mad Men but until I truly enjoy the show I won’t add it to my Best of Netflix Archive. Thankfully, I found something else to talk about.


Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

She blue herself

Since it’s release in 2004 I have been hearing how amazing Eternal Sunshine is but I never had a strong desire to see it. It could have been because Ace Ventura/Lloyd Christmas starred in a dramatic role or it could have been the title. Whatever the reason for my unconditional aversion to the film, I’m glad I got passed it because Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a fantastic film. It manages to turn what appears to be a fairly standard love story into one of the most original, thought-provoking films I have ever seen. The film does this by adding a dash of science fiction: what if a doctor specialized in removing memories about someone’s ex. During a rough break-up you could have the memories of your relationship erased. The tiny bit of science fiction in an otherwise normal world works to great effect.

The plot centers around Joel Barish's (Jim Carrey) decision to have the memory of his ex erased but as the procedure is performed he changes his mind and desperately tries to cling to the memories.  Meanwhile, various subplots add to the already strong main narrative.  Even some relatively minor characters end up having interesting stories.  To my surprise, I even managed to (mostly) take Jim Carrey seriously and forget he used to be Ace Venture and Lloyd Christmas. Then again, I can never completely forget about this:

Big Gulps?!

Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.

Underworld: Awakening

After not appearing in Rise of the Lycans everyones favorite vampire warrioress is returning in eye-poppingly cheesy 3D!  Aside from learning that warrioress is a word (eye-poppingly is not), the trailer taught me that the filmmakers have zeroed-in on the three things people like about the series: Kate Beckinsale, Kate Beckinsale in a leather body suit, and Kate Beckinsale naked.  At least they are giving the people what they want.

Johnny English Reborn

I can't believe Mr. Bean is still starring in movies.  Do British people think he's funny?  Does anyone think he's funny?  Why does this movie steal a scene from the original Austin Powers?  How did this movie get green lit?  Why is no one heading my call to end movie trailer voiceovers?  Why did the east coast of the United States experience an earthquake today?  I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!  I'm so confused...




This week's Trailer Trash Throwback:

With a compelling story, great acting, some extremely well-done scenes, and a great trailer, Children of Men has it all.  In fact, it is one of my favorite films of all time.  If you haven't already seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out.

Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.

Senna

The trailer for Senna, his Wikipedia article, and this video confirmed what I already suspected: F1 drivers are insane. The ridiculous speed, hairpin turns, and exposed driver's seat scare the hell out of me.  ESPN's 30 for 30 series made me realize I have a soft spot for sports documentaries, so this is my kind of movie.  Unfortunately, Senna is not a wide release so I will have to wait until it is available on Netflix.

RA One

Even if I wanted to see RA One, I doubt I would be able to, but many people in India seem to be excited.  The trailer on YouTube has some interesting comments, one claims that "SRK (the film's star) haters r RACISM believers" (does not having an opinion make me sort of racist?) and the most "liked" comment says, "this movies is one of the beat movies of Bollywood compere the technology and this movie goes to all time blockbaster."  I'm just going to assume Google translate is responsible for that.

Also, constantly flashing text in the middle of a trailer is really annoying.  I always think I might have missed and/or forgotten one of the text flashes. Explaining what the movie is about through the use of character dialogue is better (such as this, even if it did suck).  Using one or two to convey the release date or setting (place or time) is okay but trailers like RA One bother me.

Abduction

Instead of talking about how Taylor Lautner is a miserable actor I've come up with a list of things I would rather do than see this film.

1.Throw myself into a well

2. Fight Taylor Lautner

3. Staple my penis to a wall

4. Watch The Face of the Milk Carton a 1995 made for TV movie with the same premise as Abduction

5. Watch Two Girls, One Cup

6. Eat a ghost pepper

And now for my new addition to Trailer Trash Tuesday: Trailer Throwback.  Every week I will be including an old trailer that was memorable for me.  This week is the trailer for  Ridley Scott's 2005 film about the Crusades, Kingdom of Heaven.  

I love epics and I'm a history nerd so this trailer got me really excited when it was first released.  Great actors, sweeping shots of huge battle sequences, and some memorable lines were great but a story about the Crusades was the kicker.  Unfortunately, the theatrical release fell flat (the director's cut is an improvement) but I still enjoy the trailer.  

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Surprise of the Summer

Let me start by saying I'm not a fan of the Planet of the Apes series.  In fact, I have seen all six previous films (not sure how that happened) and in the early weeks of July I came very close to writing a post about how I don't understand the franchise's appeal.

This has got to be illegal

Planet of the Apes and Escape from the Planet of the Apes were both good but not great and the other four varied from "wow that was awful" (Beneath the Planet of the Apes) to "what the hell just happened? I can't believe Tim Burton directed that" (2001 Planet reboot).  Meanwhile, the Rise of the Planet of the Apes trailer did very little to pique interest.  I was not optimistic but thankfully I still gave it a chance.

He has way more acting range than Keanu Reeves

James Franco may be the name on posters but make no mistake, Andy Serkis (Gollum from The Lord of the Rings films) as Caesar is the film's star.  Rise of the Planet of the Apes follows Caesar's life from infancy to a fully-grown chimp.  All the while you can see Caesar's innocence melts away until one fateful decision sets the stage for him to lead an ape uprising.  Despite being computer generated, Caesar is still one of the most memorable, well-constructed characters from this summer's films.  You understand why he has decided to rise up against mankind and even more impressively, you feel sympathy towards him.  Caesar grew to love his human family and you can tell it wasn't and easy decision for him.  He isn't sadistic or bloodthirsty, he was ultimately forced into his role.

I find this extremely impressive

Prior to watching Rise, I had reservations about the film's plausibility.  Even smarts apes wouldn't stand a chance against tanks and helicopters.  I won't say the film is believable but Director Rupert Wyatt managed to create a story that I bought into and through the use of a clever plot device (I won't spoil it) managed to set the stage for a sequel.

The film also utilizes the superhuman agility and strength of apes to create some very entertaining action sequences.  Watching an ape pull a parking meter out of the ground and throw it at a cop car was almost as awesome as the confrontation between Caesar's apes and the police on the Golden Gate Bridge.

I would shit myself if I saw this

Even though Rise did an awful lot right, it still has some issues.  In one scene Caesar has a sign language conversation with an orangutan and I almost laughed at how ridiculous it seemed.  It makes sense why Caesar understands sign language but they explain why the orangutan knows it by saying he's a "circus orangutan."  Do circuses usually teach all their apes to be fluent in sign?  Orangutans look funny though.  In addition, I want to avoid spoilers but Caesar is able to do one thing that is anatomically impossible for apes, it has nothing to do with intelligence.

Tom Felton aka Draco Malfoy is my final complain because he is cartoonishly evil.  I realize you need a bad guy but they didn't have to make him the most hateful bastard to ever walk the Earth.  I half expected Felton's character to start laughing maniacally while building a giant laser to blow up the Moon.

 Then again, he looks very evil

In summary, its strengths outweigh its weaknesses and I doubt a film called Rise of the Planet of the Apes could have been any better.  It surpassed more hyped, big-budget movies such as Green Lantern, Captain America, and The Hangover 2.  I still won't say it's a great film but it's certainly good and delivers a promising start to a new series.

Series That Ended Too Soon

About a month and a half ago my post, "Series That Need to Die" talked about one movie, video game, and TV series that have dragged on for far too long.  I try to avoid being overly pessimistic, so here are series that ended too soon.

Master and Commander: Far Side of the World

I love a good bromance

Master and Commander is a 2003 film starring Russell Crowe as Jack Aubrey, the captain of a British ship during the Napoleonic Wars.  Aubrey’s, HMS Surprise is searching the South Atlantic for a French warship notable because it doesn't immediately surrender.  The premise sounds a bit dull, but I thought every aspect of Master and Commander worked.  The battle scenes were spectacular, the game of cat-and-mouse between the two ships was intense, and the relationship between Captain Aubrey and Doctor Maturin, was interesting.  I don’t have an exact list, but Far Side of the World might crack my top-ten favorite movies.

Despite my love of the film and ten Academy Award Nominations, most people don’t remember Master and Commander.  There are a two main reasons for that.  Firstly, Master and Commander had the misfortune of receiving Academy Award nominations in the same year as Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, which won a record-tying eleven Oscars. Secondly, the film is about a British ship during the Napoleonic Wars so women are on screen for a grand total of around 30 seconds (seriously).  The rest of the over two hour runtime is devoted to sweaty dudes who are missing more teeth than your average hockey player.  However,  Master and Commander overcame those hurdles and turned a small profit.

The film would have generated a strong sequel because it drew from only three books in the twenty book Aubrey-Maturin book series written by Patrick O'Brian, so a large amount of unused material still exists.  

I’m not optimistic about a sequel to Master and Commander but Russell Crowe's campaign for a sequel certainly doesn't hurt.

Chance of an eventual sequel: 40%

Pushing Daisies

This could be an advertisement for Skittles

Pushing Daisies is a former ABC TV series that ran for 22 episodes from late 2007 until June of 2009.  The show revolves around Ned who has the ability to bring dead things back to life with a simple touch.  However, if something is revived for more than a minute, something else nearby will die as a result.  To complicate matters further, if he ever touches something he has already revived it will die, permanently.  Eventually a private investigator named Emerson Cod discovers Ned’s abilities and the two begin working together to solve murders for money.  In Pushing Daisies’ pilot, Emerson and Ned try to solve the murder of Ned’s long lost childhood love, Charlotte, but after resurrecting her, Ned can’t bring himself to touch her again.

The uniqueness of Pushing Daisies was a breath of fresh air.  Unfortunately, “quirky” describes the show best and quirky doesn’t appeal to the lowest common denominator of viewers like American Idol or CSI. Ultimately, Pushing Daisies died in obscurity and I think television is worse for it. 

Family Guy is the only show I've ever heard of that managed to return from cancellation so Pushing Daisies chances are astronomically low.  Then again, nothing's impossible, right?

Chance of a series revival: .001%

If this blog generated any mail, I would surely receive a mountain of hateful emails about not choosing either Arrested Development or Firefly.  So let me just say that Fox is terrible for canceling one of the funniest shows in history and essentially Satan for also canceling an extremely promising sci-fi series after only fourteen episodes.  Everyone I know agrees with that and I don’t want to start ranting, so I will just leave it at that.

Chrono Trigger

A robot, a cavewoman, an anthropomorphic toad, and a ginger Goku all in one game?!

Originally released in 1995, Chrono Trigger is one of the most beloved RPG’s of all time.  The game follows a group of time-traveling heroes as they try and save the world from destruction.  Chrono Trigger is considered to be a revolutionary games because it included multiple different endings, top notch graphics, and interesting characters. 

In the sixteen years since its release, Square/Square Enix has made roughly twenty Final Fantasy games but only one "spiritual successor" to Chrono Trigger, 2000's Chrono Cross.  Square trademarked the name Chrono Break in the early 2000’s but then cancelled it in 2003.  Since then there has been no news of a series continuation but I wouldn’t completely rule it out.  Both Chrono games have retained an impressive level of popularity, especially Trigger.  Also, Square Enix’s Final Fantasy juggernaut has faltered badly over the past few years.  If the Final Fantasy series can’t regain momentum, I could see a potential revival of the Chrono series

Chance of an eventual sequel: 50%

The Good Old Days: Nickelodeon Game Shows

For those times when I'm feeling nostalgic

Today, game shows have been relegated to the periphery of television, reserved for old and/or Japanese people.  But from the late 80’s through the mid-90’s game shows were Nickelodeon’s bread and butter.  All of them had their own merits (except for Figure It Out) but two rose above the rest and have obtained a place in the pantheon of 90’s nostalgia: Guts and Legends of the Hidden Temple.

Guts aired from September 1992 to January 1996 and pitted ordinary kids against each other in athletic events.  Think American Gladiators but with fewer fake tans and higher necklines. Mike O’Malley hosted and the kinda-hot-but-only-because-of-her-accent Mo “officiated” (blew her whistle to start and end events). Contestants always received a ridiculous nickname, for example: David "Dynamo" Myall, Abi "Abster" Weston, and Wayne "Night Master" Norbury (Night Master?).  

While preliminary events varied from episode to episode, the final event was always the same: the Aggro Crag aka “One Radical Rock.”   The Aggro Crag was essentially a giant jungle gym that they made look impressive by flashing strobe lights and raining glitter on the contestants as they scaled the Crag. 

All disputes should be settled by a climb up the Aggro Crag

Each episode's champion probably received a trip to Space Camp as well as a piece of the Radical Rock (a giant glow stick).   Numerous great Americans including AJ Mclean of the Backstreet Boys and Bobby Boswell of the MLS’s Houston Dynamo competed for a piece of the Rock (neither won).

Oh how I dreamt of competing.  It never happened, but this did give me the idea to check the Internet for any Guts champions who are selling their piece of the Crag. I couldn't find any but four years ago someone tried to sell their piece for $35,000.  I don't know how much he eventually sold his for but if he did get someone to meet his asking price that makes the entire Aggro Crag worth around a billion dollars.

Legends of the Hidden Temple aired from September 1993 to September 1995.  Five two-person teams (the blue barracudas, green monkeys, purple parrots, silver snakes, and the red ) competed against each other in a Mayan themed arena.  Kirk Fogg cohosted the show along with Olmec, everyone’s favorite disembodied talking stone head.   In each episode the teams sought a different legendary artifact.  At one point in the series The Walking Stick of Harriet Tubman, Lawrence of Arabia's Headdress, and The Metal Beard of the Egyptian Queen all made their way into a Mayan Temple.  

Like Guts, the last event was always the same, the Temple Run.  The top team from the previous events would have three minutes to make their way through a series of room, retrieve that episode's artifact, and get out before time ran out.  Here is how you shouldn’t do the Temple Run:

Winning teams probably got a trip to Space Camp.

Alas, the days of popular game shows for children are long gone.  Even Nickelodeon GAS, the channel that played reruns of the shows, went off the air in 2007.  This is especially tragic because you could make an awesome drinking game about them.

Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.

In Time

There are an awful lot of ways this movie could end up being horrible but at least In Time had me intrigued.  It's ultimately just a very thinly veiled commentary on the current economic disparity between the rich and the poor but hopefully they get creative.  Portraying Justin Timberlake as a futuristic, time-stealing Robin Hood is a solid start.

It's nice to see that Vincent Kartheiser (Pete Campbell on Mad Men) has the acting range to go from portraying a scheming douche in the 1960's to portraying a scheming douche in the near future.  Look for In Time starting on October 28th.



Our Idiot Brother

When I first heard about this I expected a deliberately stupid comedy.  This latest trailer convinced me otherwise.  Paul Rudd isn't an idiot, he is just extremely naive but this allows him to live a much happier life than his siblings.  The trailer made Rudd's character seem very endearing and gave me a enough of a reason to check My Idiot Brother out when it is released on August 26th.  Also, I have a crush on Zooey Deschanel.



Jack and Jill

Eddie Murphy called, Adam Sandler stole his idea for ruining a career as quickly as possible (I'm looking at you, Norbit).  Why did he decide this is a good idea? One Adam Sandler in a movie is more than enough.  Throw in a second one dressed in drag and you may very well cause a tear in the space-time continuum.  On top of that, nothing in that trailer made me even chuckle.

I realize I can be very judgmental of movies based on a short trailer but I'm not alone this time.  The trailer on YouTube has nine "dislikes" for every "like." To put that into perspective, Justin Bieber's Baby only has two "dislikes" for every "like."  The people have spoken and they would rather watch Bieber music videos than Jack and Jill.

The 10 Most Ridiculous Video Game Characters

This list began as "The 10 Worst Video Game Characters of All-Time" but I came to realize that the characters I had chosen weren't bad per-say.  Bad characters would make their games worse and I don't think these do.  They are just ridiculous.


#10: Johnny Cage (Mortal Kombat)

Why does he have a door-knocker on his crotch?

As one of the original fighters in the Mortal Kombat series, Johnny Cage is one of gaming's most cherished douche bags.  With his hair, apparent spray-on tan, flamboyant clothing, and 1% body fat, he looks like a reject from the Jersey Shore.  If you still doubt Cage's douchery, consider one of his trademark attacks, the Nut Breaker, in which he does the splits and punches his opponent in the groin (it only works on male opponents).

I wonder if this has something to do with the door knocker...

#9: The Cast of Bulletstorm

DICKS!

Honestly, I haven’t played Bulletstorm, but the characters spew the most ridiculous dialogue in the history of video games.  Actually, they may have the most ridiculous dialogue in the history of anything. Here are some highlights:

"I’m not interested in quantifying how much abuse your ass is built for"

"Ah dick-tits! this shit is happening!"

"Here comes Butterdick Jones"

Is it weird that video made me want to play Bulletstorm?

#8: Hard Man (Mega Man)

I'd be angry too if my name was Hard Man

Come on Capcom!! You are making this way too easy.  I realize thinking of new enemies is difficult, Clown Man is weird, Plant Man shoot flowers, and Dust Man is a… vacuum (I think), but Hard Man?!  His name makes fun of itself.  As the cherry on top, defeating Hard Man gives Mega Man the ability to fist people.  I hope this is intentional.

#7 Anthony and Benjamin Carmine (Gears of War)

Anthony makes an appearance in the first Gears of War while Benjamin shows up in the sequel.  They wear identical armor, have the same voice actor, and die unheroic deaths early in their respective games. So Anthony and Benjamin are essentially the same person.  I just can't figure out exactly what their purpose in the series is.  


In order to serve as comedic relief you have to be funny and if all you do is die it has to be an amusing death (Kenny).  Anthony is shot in the face with a sniper while Benjamin falls out of a helicopter, nothing funny or important to the plot.  Maybe the Carmines serve as a cautionary tale to those who don't use steroids or to any Italians fighting in a war against genocidal subterranean reptiles.  More likely, since  Anthony and Benjamin are two of the few characters in the series who wear helmets, they are there to inform gamers that bandanas, goggles, cowboy hats, and hair serve as better protection.

#6 Donkey Kong

What ultimately put DK on the list is the 'Donkey Kong Rap' from Donkey Kong 64 aka the most miserable collection of lyrics in the history of music.  My favorite line is, "His coconut gun can fire in spurts. If he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt!"  

On a side note, while reading the Donkey Kong franchise Wikipedia article I found an amusing passage:

" MCA Universal sued Nintendo over copyright violations, claiming that Donkey Kong was a copy of King Kong. Nintendo's lawyer, Howard Lincoln, who would go on to become a Senior Vice President of the company, discovered that Universal didn't own the copyright to King Kong either, and was able to not only win the lawsuit (as well as several court appeals), but get Universal to pay the legal costs. Ironically, it was MCA Universal that previously won a lawsuit declaring King Kong was in the public domain."

#5 Cait Sith (Final Fantasy VII)

Yep, that’s a cat riding on the back of a giant pink stuffed animal.  Oh, and Cait Sith is armed with a megaphone.  Compare that to Barret, another Final Fantasy VII character, he has a gun instead of a right arm.  I don’t know what else to say.

#4 Tingle (Zelda series)

Just looking at him makes me uncomfortable

No list of the most ridiculous video game characters would be complete without Tingle, who made his first appearance in 2000’s Majora’s Mask.  Tingle is described as a “short, pauncy 35-year old man who is obsessed with forest fairies and dresses up in a green costume.”   Tingle, “is also known for his catchphrase: “Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!”  For some inexplicable reason he is very popular in Japan and as a result he is the only Zelda character to appear in his own spin-off game: Freshly-Picked Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland. 

Way more uncomfortable now

#3 Simon Belmont (Castlevania)

How long does it take you to get dressed in the morning?

The Belmonts are the most badass family in the history of gaming.  They are like the Mannings if Peyton, Eli, and Archie killed Dracula and other evil beings instead of throwing footballs.  Therefore, you would think as the first of the Belmont vampire hunters Simon would be some mind-blowingly awesome man who shoots lasers out of his eyes and eats nails for breakfast.  Instead, he looks like a drag queen who got into a fight with a lawnmower.  I hope Blade beats Simon up and takes his lunch money at vampire hunter conventions.

#2 Lester (Lester the Unlikely)

Lester is the protagonist from 1993’s Lester the Unlikely who is described as “kind of geeky” and “kind of sleepy.”  Here he is in action:

#1 Falco, Peppy, and Slippy (Star Fox)

It’s ridiculous that Falco, Peppy, and Slippy are the best pilots the planet Corneria has to offer. I have to assume they were competing against people who are blind, missing at least three limbs, or both.

Falco is the most ungrateful asshole ever.  When Fox destroys an enemy fighter on Falco’s tail, the douche doesn’t say “Thank you.”  Instead he says, “Gee, I’ve been saved by Fox.  How swell.”  WHAT?!  If that’s how Falco responds to someone who just saved his life I want to know what he would have said to whomever tried to kill him.  

So much attitude

Peppy is the king of useless comments.  His only pieces of advice in dangerous situations are to either “Do a barrel roll!” or “Use bombs wisely.”  Meanwhile, Peppy used to fly with Fox’s deceased father and likes to make comments like, “You’re becoming more like your father,” just to remind Fox that his father is dead.  Also, if Slippy is in trouble, instead of helping, Peppy just says, “Quit dinkin’ around, Slip!”  I’m assuming none of you know what “dinkin” means (I didn’t) so I took the liberty of looking it up on UrbanDctionary.com. Dinkin is the act of embodying all aspects of things gangsta.  Thanks Peppy.

Falco is an ass and Peppy is unhelpful but at least they can go more than ten second without needing help.  Slippy is so bad that he actually drags the rest of the team down.  If the Star Fox team recruited me I would be more helpful than Slippy because I would immediately crash my spaceship and rid the rest of the pilots of my constant calls for help.  

The Best of Netflix Instant

In which every Wednesday I post about some of the best TV Shows/ movies available on Netflix Instant.  Check out a list of everything I have posted about in my Best of Netflix Instant Archive.

I apologize for not posting anything last week.  My computer has been out for repairs so I didn't have time to watch anything I really liked.  It seemed better to wait a week than to post about something I don't actually like.

Hot Tub Time Machine

Why would you ever get in a hot tub with water that color?

Hot Tub Time Machine is a film about a magical hot tub that transports a group of friends back to their glory days in the 1980's.  At no point does Hot Tub lose sight of how ludicrous that previous sentence sounds and it has the kind of self-deprecating humor I find endearing.  On it's own, that isn't enough to carry a film but this retro comedy has more to offer.  The main cast is extremely likable and the 1980's setting is entertaining as well as fun.  Yes, some of the humor is juvenile and overly reliant on shock value but I still found myself laughing.  Not everyone will appreciate the humor along with the odd premise but I think there's enough chance you will that it's worth giving a shot.

Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about the best and worst trailers.

Red Tails

A big budget film about the famed Tuskegee Airmen (their plane tails were painted red) is long overdue and hopefully it will be pretty good.  Movies about ace fighter pilots fail more often than not (Stealth, Fly Boys) but this film could have the heart war movies so desperately need.  I just hope Lucasfilm involvement doesn't mean Red Tails will rely on over-the-top action sequences.


Battleship

If I had known Battleship would be "based on the board game of the same name" as loosely as Wall Street is based on Monopoly, I might not have been so harsh. Fortunately for me, it still looks god awful.  Not only are Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker in the cast, but the trailer seemed more concerned with close-ups of Taylor Kitsch than battleships or naval warfare.  Speaking of battleships, it's interesting that the "international fleet" seems to be centered around them because that class of ship is completely outdated.  The United States Navy, easily the largest navy in the world, decommissioned its last battleship two decades ago.  BOOM ROASTED!