Series That Need to Die

If Brett Favre taught us anything, it’s that you should only send pictures of your dick to people you know really well.  But if he taught us anything else, it’s that knowing when to retire is important.  The entertainment industry is notorious for keeping series going for far too long, so here is a TV show, a video game franchise, and a movie series that need to end.

Weeds

Not actually

TV series are generally the worst about not going away, so there are many I could have talked about including The Office, Two and Half Men, and anything on the CW.  I chose to talk about Weeds because unlike shows from the CW and Two and a Half Men, I’ve actually seen most of the episodes and unlike The Office, in my opinion Weeds was never very good.

Since Weeds is a bit of an obscure show, I will quickly explain the premise.  Nancy Botwin is a widow living in the idyllic community of Agrestic in California.  In order to support her family she decides to start selling marijuana to her neighbors.  At least that’s what Weeds used to be about.  At the end of season 3 the show leaves Agrestic and  all the enjoyment and believability disappears.  Weeds, now entering its 7^th season, has become completely ridiculous.  The characters weren’t very likeable to begin with but now you can’t relate to them either.  I don’t want to ruin what is happening but trust me, it’s insane and not in a good way.

Grand Theft Auto

The good old days

The popularity of the GTA series means I will probably take flak for this, but I’m going to argue my point nonetheless.  Prior to GTA IV, I had a lot of fun with the series.  The missions were simple but fun, and if you ever got bored you could enter the cheat for a tank and destroy everything.  So in the weeks leading up to GTA IV’s release I was excited, especially after reading numerous reviews about how it was the best one yet.

Unfortunately, at some point during GTA IV’s development Rockstar decided that the series had become too fun so they threw several coats of realism onto the game.  In small doses, adding realism to video games isn’t a bad thing, but Rockstar went overboard. You spend the first few hours of GTA IV driving your annoying cousin around.  He calls you all the time and gets upset if you don’t immediately pick him up.  Then, there is a mission where you must drive to an Internet café and check your email. WHAT!?  I hate checking my email and answering annoying phone calls in real life, why would I want to in a video game?  At this rate, by GTA VI you will be working a 9 to 5 job while your pregnant wife calls every fifteen minutes saying she has a craving for Twinkies. 

I know the feeling

The likelihood of Rockstar ending the GTA series is roughly equivalent to the chance I have a 14-inch wiener (0 percent), so I hope they at least make future installments fun again. 

Saw

Saw movies hurt me a lot more than they hurt this guy

I couldn’t find any concrete evidence that an eighth Saw movie is in development, but I’m willing to bet one of my less important fingers that at some point it will be.  Admittedly I haven’t seen all seven, but according to Rotten Tomatoes, the ones I have seen are the best.  The first one had a certain amount of shock factor but that wore off quickly and now the entire series revolves around coming up with new and even more gruesome ways to torture people.

What’s more shocking is they keep making money.  Six of the seven have earned more than $100 million at the box office (Saw VI is the lone exception).   Combined, the series has earned more than $870 million at the box office, add the revenue from DVD sales, then subtract the combined budgets of $67 million and you arrive at an astounding fact:  the Saw movies have generated over one billion dollars in profit.  BILLION.