Trailer Trash Tuesday

In which I talk about the Internet's best and worst trailers, but because there are very few new and interesting trailers this week, I’m going to talk about some of the worst trailers from recent years.

Transmorphers

You may have heard about Transmorphers, it achieved some attention a few years ago for its hilariously blatant rip off of Transformers.  I love that this is their formula for success: a big budget movie we can copy without having to completely change the name + actors who will work for free + special effects we stole from an Nintendo 64 game + enough people curious enough to find out how bad our movie actually is = Profit!

Here are some interesting (ridiculous) facts about Transmorphers:

•     Way too many people in the trailer are wearing sunglasses at night

•    The upcoming Transformers movie ($195 million budget) is 650 times more expensive than Transmorphers ($300,000 budget).   To put that into perspective this Porsche:

is only 600 time more expensive than this:

•      Transmorphers has a sequel called Transmorphers: Fall of Man.  It stars Bruce Boxleitner (the titular character from the original Tron) and was released less than a week before Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, what a strange coincidence!

Gooby


Everything about Gooby is creepy, his weird mouth and the way it moves, his deformed face, his beer belly, the fact that he exclusively hangs out with a little boy.  Even the name Gooby sounds creepy, like he would hide in your closet and come out at night to molest people.  Also, why does he have a Scottish accent?  There aren’t any bears in Scotland.

Tip Toe


You know what’s the most ridiculous part of this trailer?  Matthew McConaughey turns down a blowjob from Kate Beckinsale because he had to “get going.”  Wow, I’ve always thought McConaughey was dumb, but I seriously overestimated him.

The voiceover man may have blatantly lied when he said Kate Beckinsale and Matthew McConaughey had “command performances,” but he wasn’t lying when he said this is the “role of a lifetime” for Gary Oldman.  Even if Oldman spent the rest of his life desperately searching for a movie shittier than this, he wouldn’t be able to find one.