In 2008 I predicted that within the next two years Sam Worthington would be a household name. At the time, Worthington had already received an award for his acting, and he was set to star in James Cameron's first film since Titanic as well as a new Terminator film alongside Christian Bale. Why hasn't Worthington achieved superstardom? While the revenue from Avatar generated enough money to be able to do this, it featured a ton of CGI and more screen time for Worthington's voice than his face. Meanwhile, Terminator Salvation featured an uninteresting plot, wooden characters, and two hours of Christian Bale growling. Honestly, this is the most entertaining thing to come out of Salvation.
Since 2009, Worthington hasn't had much mainstream exposure outside of Clash of the Titans, another failed blockbuster. Will Man on a Ledge carry him to fame and glory? Maybe, but that trailer didn't intrigue me and its director, Asger Leth, doesn't even have a Wikipedia page which is how I judge whether or not someone is noteworthy.
Someone should have said, "It's Hammer time" during that trailer.
This week's Trailer Trash Throwback is actually a mash-up of inspirational speeches from various movies and one of my favorite Internet videos of all time. Enjoy.
Every year the seasons change, people pay their taxes, Mark Sanchez is a mediocre quarterback, and Meryl Streep receives an Academy Award nomination. That last one is not as exaggerated as you might think. Since 1978, Meryl Streep has received sixteen nominations or an average of one every two years for films as varied as Julie & Julia, Sophie's Choice and The Devil Wears Prada. Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher is a virtual lock for a seventeenth. The Academy should go ahead and mail her the nomination so she can start thinking about her acceptance speech, just in case she wins.
I think this could be everything Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps should have been: entertaining, tense, and even a little bit informative. If Margin Call can supplement the impressive cast with strong storytelling it could be the definitive film about the financial crisis of the late 2000's
Why did I upload a picture of Optimus Prime with a jetpack? I'm glad you asked. Reports recently surfaced that Michael Bay is currently in talks to direct a fourth and possibly fifth Transformers film. After Dark of the Moon made $1.2 billion at the box office studio execs apparently realized that if you give Michael Bay $300 million and a picture of giant robots he will give you a movie everyone wants to see.
There aren't many hard details yet but Ehren Kruger would likely return as writer and Spielberg would return as executive producer. Shia LeBeouf definitely won't return but a possible replacement has been mentioned: Jason Statham. Yep, they might replace this with this. There has been no word on the potential story but I'm betting Unicron could have something to do with it.
For the few of you who don’t know what a bromance is, Urbandictionary describes it as “the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.”
I originally intended to write a post about the greatest two
or three movie bromances of all time but I quickly realized there are far too
many for that. Even by narrowing it down
to seven I had to make some painful omissions.
Seven is an odd number but these 'couples' rose above the rest.
#7: Bodhi and Johnny Utah (Point Break)- the surfer dude/bank robber bromance
I originally planned on including Brian and Dom from the Fast and the Furious franchise but then I remembered that the first Fast and the Furious heavily borrowed from Point Break. In both, a cop goes undercover where he tries to blend in with suspected criminals. Then everything goes awry when the undercover cop falls in love with someone close to the suspected criminals and this causes him to try and arrest the wrong people. Shit hits the fan and in the end the cop lets the criminal/bro escape arrest.
I could talk about all the heart-to-hearts Bodhi and Johnny have, Johnny’s apparent lack of interest in his female love interest, or how Bodhi beats up a member of the Red Hot Chili Peppers to defend Johnny but I found pictures that explain their relationship better than I ever could.
During Point Break’s final scene, Johnny manages to track down Bodhi. Instead of arresting Bodhi, a man who robbed multiple banks and was involved in the deaths of three cops including Johnny's partner, Johnny lets Bodhi go free so he can ride a really big wave.
#6: Harry and Lloyd
(Dumb and Dumber) – the idiot
bromance
When compared to other popular 90’s films, Dumb and Dumber has quickly fallen into
obscurity but Harry and Lloyd used to be two of America's most beloved idiots. I almost never hear people
talk about, quote, or reference it. I
admit that by todays standards it is juvenile but the film’s two good-natured,
idiot best friends posses an undeniable charm.
Their bromance survives a cross-country road trip, several run-ins with
the cops, gun shots, and even falling for the same woman.
Most brogasmic moment:
After Lloyd inadvertently drives hundreds of miles in the wrong direction, the two get into an argument. Just when you think their bromance might be at an end, Lloyd totally redeems himself.
#5: Butch and Sundance (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid)- the western bromance.
Your popped collar will never look this cool
For as long as there have been humans there have been bromances and the wild west is no exception. Butch’s brains and Sundance’s brawn make them the quintessential 19th century bromance. They finish each other’s sentences, are more interested in each other than women, and eventually decide to take their bromance to South America. Even at death’s door they can barely keep themselves from hugging.
Most brogasmic moment:
#4: Seth and Evan (Superbad)- the young bromance.
During those high school years when a stiff breeze gives you a boner and four beers is enough to make you a raving lunatic, most people experience their first bromance. Seth and Evan capture this perfectly. Admittedly, I was in high school when Superbad came out but it's impossible to rewatch without having hilarious memories flood back.
Most brogasmic moment:
#3: Han and Chewie- the interspecies bromance.
Best Dog Ever.
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, a Human and a Wookie overcame their anatomical and linguistic differences to form one of the great bromances of all time. Together Han and Chewie roamed the stars like intergalactic cowboys, pissing off giant slugs, saving princesses, blowing up Death Stars, and toppling evil Empires.
Most brogasmic moment: Lando Calrissian finds out the hard way what happens when you freeze Chewie’s best bro in a block of carbonite.
#2: Rocky and Apollo
(Rocky)- the legally retarded boxer
bromance.
All relationships have rocky periods (pun intended) and
bromances are no different. Sometimes
your bro upsets you. In the case of
Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed, they spend the first two movies beating each
other close to death before deciding they want to become the bestest of
bros. They train together, dress
scantily, make a few montages, and before you know it they are sprinting on the
beach and playing in the waves.
When a Soviet boxer kills Apollo in the fourth film, Rocky
responds by traveling to the USSR, training in Siberia for months, and helping
to topple a world superpower. Never
touch someone’s best bro.
#1: Maverick and
Goose (Top Gun)- the ultimate
bromance
At first, I couldn’t decide whether or not to include
Maverick and Iceman in this countdown but I eventually came to the
conclusion that Mav and Ice have more of a romance than a bromance. However, the relationship between Mav and Goose achieved the pinnacle of
hetero bro love. They spend all their
time together, have coordinated methods of hitting on women, have elaborate high
fives, finish each others sentences, and most importantly, they play beach
volleyball together.
Not many trailers to talk about this week but I can't ignore the brand new The Avengers trailer
I mentioned in my last Trailer Trash post how ridiculously high the expectations are for this film. "Good" won't cut it, people are going to want "Great" and that trailer wasn't. My biggest complaint is that it isn't memorable. The villain just stared intensely, cars exploded, Sam Jackson has an eye patch, *yawn*. Robert Downey Jr.'s witty little speech is the only part that stuck with me. A shot of the whole team together, in costume, would have been a great moment. This scene would have been even better (told you).
As I've already said, this film is a tall order. Deciding too much based on a first trailer would be a mistake but consider me as skeptical as ever.
This week's Trailer Trash Throwback In honor of the recently released Gear of War 3, the TV spot for the first game in the series:
Five years later, this still strikes me as one of the best video game commercials of all time. It probably conveys the hopelessness and misery of the war against the Locust better than any of the three games. Not having to listen to Marcus's ridiculous voice is also a plus.
In which I talk about some of the best/worst trailers.
War Horse
I watched the first trailer for War Horse months ago and was unimpressed. I couldn’t stop thinking about The Horse and His Boy, one of the books in The Chronicles of Narnia series and easily my least favorite. The first trailer also came off as overly melodramatic. However, this second trailer sparked my curiosity. It’s still melodramatic but the backdrop of World War 1, a conflict usually overshadowed by World War II, should be a breath of fresh air. My biggest concern is the believability of the relationship between the boy and his horse but if any director can pull off an emotional, sweeping war epic, it’s Stephen Spielberg.
The Avengers
"Great Odin's Raven!"
Obviously, that’s not a trailer but it’s the first official picture from the long-awaited The Avengers film. The prospect of seeing Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, and Hulk on the same screen has created a huge amount of anticipation. The fact that Marvel’s films have been dropping hints about this film for years only adds to the anticipation.
I’m definitely excited but the recent quality of Marvel’s movies has me worried. Most Marvel films end up being “good.” Aside from Iron Man and X-Men: First Class you have to go back more than seven years to Spider-Man 2 to find (in my opinion) the last great Marvel film. The amount of anticipation swirling around The Avengers means “good” isn’t going to cut it. Needless to say, director Joss Whedon has his hands full with Marvel’s greatest heroes. If he wants my advice, include this scene (Yes, I will continue to include that in every post possible).
This week's Trailer Trash Throwback is in honor of the recently announced Mortal Kombat reboot. Enjoy a mediocre trailer with an awesome theme song:
If someone asked me to name three things the Internet has brought to the world I would tell them three is too few but if that person continued to push me I would say:
1. Funny cat videos
2. Porn
3. Weird stuff from Japan
Did their isolated island cause the creation of a culture that revolves around tentacle porn (SECOND PORN REFERENCE), game shows, and anime? Maybe after losing WWII they said to themselves, “Fuck this, let’s get weird.” Regardless of how all this weirdness happened, it doesn’t appear to be going anywhere as evidenced by three relatively recent video games.
Cho Aniki (means “Super Big Brother”)
In Japan’s defense, one weird game can be justified as an anomaly. After all, the United States is responsible for General Custer’s Revenge but that game never had any sequels. The Cho Aniki series is now made up of six games. SIX! Here is a brief plot summary of the most recent installment in the series: “The plot of this game centers on the Holy Protein, a deity-like glob of what may be semen.” Believe it or not that doesn’t appear to be the most ridiculous game in the series. 1995’s game includes numerous playable characters including (I was too afraid to Google any of these):
Samson/Adon- a homosexual couple who attack by gyrating and flatulating
Sabu- a pagoda-shaped ship with an Elvis Presley-looking figurehead
Mami 19- an amalgam of a cute girl and a battleship transporting three naked, frolicking men
Adam – a naked man riding in half a moon
Uminim- a latex creature that resembles a condom
Japan World Cup
I wish I knew what the announcers were saying but I doubt it would help explain what the hell is going on. How can anyone explain a race between a bipedal horse, the Yeti, a seal, the Trojan Horse, and the tour bus of a Japanese pop star? I was rooting for the Yeti.
However, maybe there is some genius in this because I watched over ten minutes of YouTube videos for Japan World Cup, I couldn’t stop. This one is just as insane.
Love Death 2
Wow, Love Death 2 just blew way past the line between weird and disturbing. Is this enjoyable for anyone? What does that syringe do? What is the game’s objective? The only thing I can figure is that the Japanese government made this game as a sting operation. Anyone who buys it automatically gets ten years in jail and a place on the sex-offenders list. At least their law enforcement is thinking outside of the box to deal with some unique problems.
